Links to loosing it!

So, you know my tryst with the treadmill and my apparent (!) good intentions.
The treadmill was pulled up and made the centerpiece in my dining room. I kept at it for a while, that is so far as I could be distracted while on it.. But, the sad part is that the manual treadmill isn’t all that good for the knees (specially well covered ones like mine) and I couldn’t keep at it for long. Finally, sold it a good pal, who has now made it part of her living room arrangement! Lordy! How we pass on showcase stuff, huh?

And then came a horde of distractions that I happily let distract me. Till I decided that this wasn’t getting me anywhere and I needed someone to drive and push me onto the treadmill every morning… I got the cook and maid to motivate me... But the poor souls gave up after a while; they needed someone to motivate them to motivate me!!! Pathetic, huh?

So, in all that drama, I found some links, tried them, found a combo that worked for me. These may help you… I think the most important thing is to figure what your body needs/ what suits you. Would advise against jumping into a weight loss regime headlong without checking that out first. I know because I really was clueless last year and having ‘been in this industry’ for a year now, makes me an expert as it were.
http://fatloss4idiots.com/?hop=bluegeckoe
http://www.lifeclinic.com/focus/nutrition/weight-loss.asp
http://www.lifeclinic.com/focus/nutrition/articleView.asp?MessageID=1715
http://www.aarpmagazine.org/health/the_miracle_diet.html
http://www.iimahd.ernet.in/~jajoo/gmdiet.html
http://www.lisamiraclediet.com/Pages/miraclestory/Miracle_Menu.htm - this last one is the most practical and do-able. A friend of mine has lost almost 6 kgs over a 2 month period!
I’ll hunt for the others and post them soon…
In the meantime, go on, see if any of these suit you? Go, on... loose it!

Daddy sweetest

Again, my old man made me laugh - in the midst of vague times, career and personal life changes and the associated stress.

I am completely exhausted from my recent apartment hunting expedition. Who ever said "Kalyanam panni paar, veeta kati paar" (Perform a marriage, build a house), can wisely add "Hunt for a rented apartment" to that! I've spent almost 4 weekends hunting for a decent place to move. The fact that my current residence is spoken for starting 5 July hasnt helped ease off the pressure...

Cutting the cribs out, I finally managed to find an ok-ish place to move to, paid the advance, got back home and called dad to tell him. For a guy not so much into details, he asked me sooo many questions.

"How far from work?"
"How will you commute?"
"Is the grocery shop nearby?"
"Is it safe?"
"How will you manage cooking and all?"
(Aha, he assumed that his daughter is this lazy goon who wouldnt bother with cooking for herself just because she has a cook now! He he!)
"Will your current househelp and cook come?"

I told him am moving 15 kms away from my current apartment, and his reply, "Oh, then they may not agree to come everyday!"

:))

Bhoothnath – the Complete Indian Family movie…

Let’s get some facts first…

• Bhoot (ghost) can interchangingly be used for aatma (spirit), they mean one and the same.
• Bhoots/ aatmas ‘feel’ just like the rest of us. Specially when it involves kids.
• Bhoots are actually angels in disguise.
• When a bhoot /angel gets moksh, it turns into a star, a star angel (right, if you get the logic of that one, feel free to let me know).
• Bhoots are cocky, sarcastic, self-doubting, and funny in turns.
• Bhoots get scared when small children dress as ghosts and run after the bhoot.
• Bhoots are choke full of wisdom, patience and logic – when they love you that is. If they get angry, they turn into monsters with booming voices, making houses quake at a magnitude of 4.2 on the Richter scale!
• It IS the duty of sons to ensure their parents attain moksh – this is a simple sentence you’ll learn if you watch the movie.

Now that we’ve laid the groundwork and have our facts right, we can sit back and enjoy the movie.

It IS a novel story, it is a movie meant for children. It IS funny in bits, it is weird in bits. But it keeps you in your seat, albeit shaking your head in wonder! The film works for some reasons. The bhoot and kid compliment each other wonderfully well. The big B and his trademark voice, king Khan and his trademark cockiness, Juhi and her vivacious, chirpy personality, the smattering of special … I think the film belongs to the little brat who refuses to get scared, is upto all kinds of pranks at all times.

AND it caters to ALL the Indian movie goers ‘needs’.. Elaborate sets, pearls of wisdom from the big B ‘himself’, emotions running high, funny/ bratty kid, baap-beta relationships, maafi, love, rona-dhona…. AND the very ‘with-it’ song and dance sequences.

The message is subtle and kind of lost in the milieu – respect your folks, love conquers all, kids can make all the difference to our lives…

I did like the film, BUT, me being me, I can’t just let it go, so here is my diatribe!

• The Big B does an ok job – trying to look scary one minute, scratching his head in confusion the other… ready to cry any minute, as dirty as one could imagine him. Sure, the transformation from a hate-filled bhoot into a loved-filled bhoot is complete with a wardrobe change, a suave beard, good Reid & Tailor suits and shoes to boot. And sure, we get a song with sequin-clad extras for good measure.
• King Khan with his small ponytail, weird lines and horrendous makeup made me wince each time he was on screen. I don’t see anything new in any movie he does, never a different emotion (he has a standard set of four) and what gets me each time is his fake crying / senti look – annoying as hell! :)
• Juhi needs a better makeup man… she’s got a lot of talent, but again, is reduced to a giggly and loving mother, a screechy housewife with a terrible dress sense.
• The other characters are caricatures with the weirdest kinks, timing and mannerisms. I can’t believe Rajpal Yadav being reduced to these kinds of roles. Satish Shah, another great actor, such waste of talent.
• Aman Siddiqui – the sweet little kid with too many false smiles/grins and the overboard display of anger. I really wish they’d let him as natural as he could be, would have been more convincing.

I’ll shut shop on this now… You go ahead, see it, come back, and share your experience..

What I think about some sections of the male population – Part 2

A couple of days and lots of advice later, am back… I read a lot of stuff on the web, looked for answers on how other women deal with it and generally tried to make sense. And then I realized that there isn’t much I can really find there which would help me. I’d only have to look within, or at the morons in that cab or plain ignore.

I am not sure I’ll let this go or if I’ll take some kind of action with the moron’s company, get those fools fired, have the driver banned – whatever… most of my women friends suggest all these, and the men friends ranged from ‘rehne de, re’ to learn self-defense (considering the episode, not sure how I’d have managed this on my moving vehicle! But let’s imagine, shall we? DG, kicking ass on a moving bike, a la rajnikanth (i could even dangle a cig, if you want). oh la la!!)...

The one thing that I am really glad about is that my sense of humor IS intact. I’d hate for any moron (read some asinine men) to affect me that long. ;) So, buddy folks, lets lighten up, relax, and see how we can handle this better?

• Dude, I am ssoo thrilled you are ‘macho’ who just NEED to show the whole world what you are made of, right? I just ssooo love it!
• Boss, did you really need to feel important? REALLY important? Am sure your pea-size brain can handle this fact – you just need to get a better education, a better job, OR a pretty girlfriend, if she’ll have you.
• I really hope you aren’t a mama’s boy, spoilt rotten – but then that would be kinda worse – does she treat your sister similarly? I’d wager she doesn’t. Go to mama's arms, baby!!
• On the related note, I hope the women folk at home appreciate your efforts, specially in respecting them, showing you do have a decent bone…
• I am not weak, darling boy (actually, the weaker sex sounds ridiculous, specially if you’ve met me and know what I am like). I wont scare easily and can definitely hold my own no matter where. You have a problem, deal with it! :)
• No matter what you do, you can’t demean me – you’d only display your level, you know?
• I also know you are soooo immature that you plain aren’t to be left alone – especially if there are any decent women around. You can’t handle that, babyface, you just can’t…

Anyway, I am still figuring out what I want to do. And for those who may be concerned, these posts are ONLY for those morons – am still not offended enough to swear off all men or something similar.

Lets get a move on and get back to having fun, wokies?

What I think about some sections of the male population – Part 1

This morning I left home like I usually do, with the same old gym clothes, the same bike, the same oiled hair, and the same early morning stupor. What was different though is the sick behavior I had to witness/ endure less than a kilometer from home. Unfortunately I came up neck to neck with a cab full of some call center company’s employees. Employees is very mild, decent, cultured word for the morons in that particular cab. I could go as far as saying bas*** and ass**** in print. The guys in the back noticed me as I followed the cab (I couldn’t overtake at that point) and started gesturing. The stuff they did makes me see red even now. I ignored and drove along till a little ahead I got an opening and overtook the cab with the annoying buffoons.

It was only a little further ahead that I noticed that this cab was giving chase and was closing up. They finally caught up with me and I sensed that the morons were ‘’into it” and I heard some filthy language too… There were a couple of female colleagues with them, but that didn’t seem to matter. We were now neck to neck and it got worse. I tried ignoring, but in the morning, with very little people/traffic movement, it’s kind of tough. That the cab driver was also enjoying it was a complete red flag to me. I sped up again, took a bend too fast and was in a complete ‘state’ - it hit me then, that I was risking my life because of some morons.

I let the distance between the vehicles grow, and thought for a second if I wanted to take this cause or not. I don’t think the thought had much chance :) I stopped my bike in front of a tea stall, parked across the road (so the cab couldn’t overtake/ go past), told the guys at the tea stall that the approaching cab had some perverts who had harassed me. Sad but true, only one of the guys came up to ask/ enquire. But that was good enough for me.

As the cab approached, they saw the bike parked, me and the guy – with no way to escape. The cab driver tried to get past us. What happened next is something out of the movies – all I (want to) remember was a red haze, that I bopped the main culprit a solid one, and yelled and screamed like a woman possessed. I got the number of the car, the name of the company, and the name of the employee. A small crowd gathered by then and realized I was indeed harassed. I left at that point cause I could feel my rage building… I don’t want to think about what that crowd may have done to the cab/ it’s occupants.

It is 4 pm now and I can still feel my blood pressure shoot up as I type this. I realize many things and some of them make me feel like a prize ass. But the sickening feeling is that millions of women go through this, especially in India, without a whimper. Would I have behaved differently at a different time? If I was dressed differently? If I was less reactive (aha, weird usage, but I think it’s apt)? If I was a calm person? If, if, if…

I don’t know so many things, like... I don’t understand this attitude of guys (23/ 24 year olds, specially) who think they can get away with any darn thing they do. I don’t want to feel like a cheap woman who can be called any name by any moron. I don’t know who gives those morons the right to ruin my morning. I don’t want to think that I have the power to ruin this guy’s career if I chose to. I don’t want to feel that I live in an uncivilized, uncouth, and completely disgusting society...

Oooooookkkkkkkk… time out, a cuppa, be back…

Weight Loss Stories

Am 10 kilograms lighter now… yup, you read right, Ten-f**** kilograms –and no, this is not a miracle. It’s taken a year, painful times and loads of self control.

So this past year, I’ve done almost all diets one possibly can – to the extent that last week I was doing two at the same time and miracles of miracles – lost a kg! So, now you see, the big secret is just eat whatever’s in sight! I’ve also been going to the gym (again, true to my nature, sporadically) when I’ve worked out like crazy, only to burn out and take a break… And the two food poisoning episodes when I couldn’t keep two spoons of water in rreeeaaaallly helped. :) Nope, I don’t want to repeat that.

Some random thoughts:

• I am unique and none of the latest diets really help if I just did them cause someone else was doing.
• I am apple shaped (right, any smart-alecky comments on that will be paid in kind!)
• Doing cardio is NOT for me.. Who ever said cardio is the only way to loose weight is a pervert, should be sent to the nearest asylum. The darn cardio regime is ruining all my sport shoes and I need to buy a new pair. Bah!
• I have an objective obsession w.r.t food (and no, haven’t yet discovered what else this affects!) – Yup, it’s confirmed now, am crazy! My problem is if I stock munchies for friends who might drop in, and they don’t turn up to do the honors, I will eat all there is in the ladder. Till that is done, those munchies will haunt me, ruin my sleep and make me a raving lunatic. This is NOT for the salads and fruit, it’s ONLY for the oily, fried, sinful stuff that go and settle in the most annoying places.
• I can last any kind of torture from Monday through Friday lunch. I don’t know that stranger who socializes, eats out (read binges), and just lives life in the intervening period.
• I turn into a mean old witch when the ‘cravings’ take over! And no, you don’t want to be around to check that out!
• I periodically try on clothes I haven’t fit into in a while – I define while as 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, 3 years, and 8 years being the longest! Sure, this can be termed lunatic, but I call myself an optimist – how else would clothes that old survive shifting 2 cities, 3 homes and lots of travel in between!!? I recently tried trousers that are 8 years old and hallelujah, I fit into them! YAY!!
• The more fruit and salad I eat, the more I want and this could also been seen as ‘mental inside’ by some sections of people. I mean, just how much ghaas-poos can a person eat? As much as God provides – that’s my answer! AND my glowing face is proof for all to see! This summer am looking fresh as a daisy most times, thanks to the complete detox effect of salad/fruit binging :) (Ah, am not talking about the mangoes right now, ok!?)

I think that covers most of the stuff, we’ll get down to some details in the coming few weeks, though I’d hate for people to think that I am obsessed with loosing weight, I am not. I only want to be healthy and not invite a horde of health issues.

More soon!

Back for the nth time

Yup, this is good old me, with my promise to return more often. But am sure you are used to me now and know my priorities and just how much I mean when I say what I say...
So, a year later, 10 kgs lighter, and still as crazy as ever. Lets see how this 'josh' goes.
More soon.

Telemarketing – the new dimension :)

This is the latest and greatest news in a while. Funnily its made my day too :) and raises my hopes of finding a ‘TELE-mate’ (sounds like some kind of a online shopping item, eh?) sometime real soon!

A married-for-a-long-time (M-F-A-L-T) friend let out a yell: “LATEST telemarketing call - TOI simplymarry.com!!!!!!!”

DG, trying to shake off a stupor: “What!”

M-F-A-L-T friend: “Have ppl lost it TOTALLY.. Credit cards loans and now spouse?”

DG, waking up: “You wanted a spouse? Another one? Bah! (Suppressing laughter) No one bothers with me, a single woman, and you get a call!!! Was there a buy-one-get-one-free offer?!” (hee hee)

M-F-A-L-T friend, ready to let out steam: “The newest wave of tele-callers - as if personal loans and insurance weren't enough to buy.”

DG: “Yeah! Darn innovative, what did they say?”

M-F-A-L-T friend: “I am Deepak calling from times of India simplymarry.com.”

Now, this friend is one of the cutest souls I know, ready to see the humor in all situations – provided she wasn’t racing to meet a deadline. Unfortunately, she’s busy with one right now, so I am going to have my imagination run wild – all alone! :)

Lets see how the conversation could have gone from that point!

Tele-caller: “I am Deepak calling from times of India simplymarry.com.”

M-F-A-L-T friend: “Calling from where? Huh?”

Tele-caller: “Times of India simplymarry.com, we are ready to help you ma’am.”

M-F-A-L-T friend: “Ya, Deepak, how can you help me?”

Tele-caller: “Ma’am we are having a special offer, ma’am. You can find a husband over the phone now!”

M-F-A-L-T friend: “Wow.. Are you sure this works?”

Tele-caller: “Yes, ma’am. For a certain charge, you can get calls from all eligible bachelors and you can respond in kind, ma’am. It’s very easy ma’am.”

M-F-A-L-T friend: “Ok. But the fact is that… ”

Tele-caller, interrupting: “Ma’am, additionally we are offering offers to your best friends and you can get a discount also ma’am.”

M-F-A-L-T friend, forgetting that she was married and just grappling with the very thought: “What! Are you saying that I can get a husband and a discount!?”

Tele-caller, relieved that he had a smart customer here: “Yes ma’am.”

M-F-A-L-T friend: “But listen, the fact is that I…”

Tele-caller, trying to close the deal: “Ma’am should I register your name? You will also need to tell me your height, weight and hair color ma’am.”

M-F-A-L-T friend: “hey, listen – I am not really…”

Tele-caller, speaking a lot faster: “Ma’am this is lifetime opportunity ma’am, this will not come again ma’am.”

M-F-A-L-T friend, really bugged and ready to kill: “Hello, please hear me.. I am MARRIED.”

Tele-caller: “What ma’am. You want to get married, that’s what I am trying to help.”

M-F-A-L-T friend, almost yelling: “oh my god!!! Please listen to this buster, I am happily married and don’t need a husband.”

Tele-caller: “What ma’am. But ma’am, you said you wanted to marry..”

M-F-A-L-T friend, actually yelling so the whole floor hears this: “Ye lords!!! Look I don’t want to marry and don’t need a husband. I have one at home (who is at office right now) and if he knows you called, he’d get really angry and you don’t want that.”

Tele-caller: “Ma’am, I can help your friends ma’am. Do you have… ”

M-F-A-L-T friend: “GGRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.. AARRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH”

Tele-caller: “Maaaa’am… maaa”

Weight loss diaries – the scare and the start...

I’ve always been an overweight person – this started after I turned 15/16 and steadly got worse after I gave up dancing. Call it genes, call it laziness or whatever – my weight has gradually grown on me (literally) and now I am what most people (Indian that is, I could like a puny creep to an American... and no, no offense meant) obese.

Am sure friends, enemies, family and others (doctors, maids, cooks, who-ever-cares-to-have-an-opinion) have tired of telling me to shed the extra kilos so that I can enjoy life better – meaning
- I can snap up a guy faster
- I could look ‘good’ (like I don’t now) and a lot prettier (aha.. again, I wonder what makes these people think I am not already). Anyways, this is by far the most interesting point, but more about this later)
- I wouldn’t need to look for XL and XL + clothes (like that is sin?)

There have been very few, select few, who’ve actually told me that I’d do myself a favor by reducing weight and maybe, just maybe, reduce the chances of a horde of medical problems now and in the future.

Interestingly, like most other things that are not priority, I just pushed this to the back of my mind and have been busy with life until the ‘scare’ happened. My mom, bless her soul, who is very over-weight, came to visit with me and had a series of problems – something she ate aggravated her breathing problems, which aggravated her cardiac problems that lead to… I;ve never seen her in that state – face swollen, deep long wheezing breaths that seemed to be drawn out of her… And none is this really helped by the obesity – she plain couldn’t move and there was an insane minute of considering how to rush her to the doc, if needed. I thought we’d need to call an ambulance and stretcher… and the very idea scared me sh****. Though, thankfully we could treat her with help from my sister in law (long distance precription) and thankfully, she’s better now.

The thing is that, I am a lot like my mom constitutionally and for a second I saw myself in her place (a couple of decades from now); wheezing for breathe and unable to move. Now, I am an independent person as any (people who know me usually shake their head about just how independent I am) and the thought that I wouldn’t be able to be independent enough to manage myself at any point… Some soul searching and some advice from the most important people in my life, I decided that its time to shed some weight and get a grip on myself. And no.. I wouldn’t really care for the prettier bit nor snapping guys or any such stuff :) que sera, sera!!

Ok, so that’s the heavy stuff. And this is probably a lot more serious than I would have liked it.. So, the next one is going to lighten things up and get you onto the "Weight Loss Project Management course in DG's life"

Calvin

I am in love... uh ho.. before you read too much into that, its with the little fella called Calvin, and wish I knew some cute brats like him.. oh, well, dont think i want him in my immediate family, but would be cool if he was somewhere in the family tree :)

Here are some sites that I visit on and off, looking for 'Calvin gems'!

http://homepage.eircom.net/~odyssey/Quotes/Popular/Comics/Calvin_Hobbes.html
http://www.chemicaldynamics.adelaide.edu.au/karlstuff/calvin.html
http://www.generationterrorists.com/quotes/calvinandhobbes.html

Awesome stuff, eh?

:))